In over five years, I have.not.stopped. Literally, I haven’t had time to do anything, except to keep going. I’ve always been an over achiever. Two/Three jobs, school, etc…I want to do everything, and I never say no to anything. Since I have been faced with a lot more down time lately, I have also been able to finally sit down, gather my thoughts and really think about a lot of things going on in my life. I sometimes wonder if this little break was necessary. I mean I never take a break on my own, so I almost wonder if this small (hopefully short hiatus) is the universe’s way of telling me that I need to stop and take a look around.
New Jersey has been an on and off rainy/messy place these past few weeks which always means one thing when dealing with me. INTROSPECTIVE TIME. When I graduated college the first time, I was in a different place. I was pretty much a completely different human being (figuratively speaking of course). This time around I am much more motivated and certain that I know what I want. This time it’s a little different because the ball is completely in my court. Before, it was get the degree, work in a hospital, done and done. This time around, I can choose different paths which will ultimately lead me somewhere I’m not sure I want to be. This is scary. More than one choice? Yikes. (Insert overwhelmed Maria face).
These past few weeks I have been so overcome with emotion, and an overload and lack of inspiration, honestly my mind is everywhere. I wake up some days and have nothing to say, and others I can’t stop writing down ideas. As I slowly start to just let it all fall together the weights slowly ease off my shoulders, but I know that soon enough I will need to decide which path is the best for me. Just like everything else, I know I’ll be fine, but it’s the process that is the most interesting, it’s all about how you get there, and then how badly you want it to work out.
I know I have the drive, now if I could only find the perfect route. Then I’ll be golden.